The 5 questions most feared by men
1. What are you thinking
about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat? 4. Do you
think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so
difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major
argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth).
Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below,
along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking
about?
The proper answer to this, of
course, is: "I'm sorry, I was just reflecting on what a warm,
wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how
lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no
resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the
following:
a. Baseball. b. Hockey. c.
How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you. e.
How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps the best response to this
question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I
wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to
you!"
Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!"
or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes,
dear." Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, shit loads. b. Would
it make you feel better if I said yes? c. That depends on what
you mean by love. d. Does it matter? e. Who, me?
Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic:
"Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what? b. I
wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. c. A little
extra weight looks good on you. d. I've seen fatter. e.
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I
would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question # 4: Do you think she's
prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is
an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses
include:
a. Yes, but you have a better
personality b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner c. Not
as pretty as you when you were her age d. Define pretty e.
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I
would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question # 5: What would you do if
I died?
A definite no-win question.(The
real answer, of course, is "Buy a Porsche 928 and a Boat")
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of
follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:
Woman: Would you get married
again? Man: Definitely not Woman: Why not-don't you like
being married? Man: Of course I do. Woman: Then why wouldn't
you remarry? Man: Okay, I'd get married again. Woman: You
would? (with a hurtful look on her face) Would you sleep with her
in our bed? Man: Where else would we sleep? Woman: Would you
put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? Man:
That would seem like the proper thing to do. Woman: And would
you let her use my golf clubs? Man: She can't use them; she's
left-handed Woman: - - - silence - - - Man: Shit.
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